I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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