I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
