I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
