A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.