Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"