were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.