absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
