I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
