He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.