Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight

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(718): 3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight http://tfl.nu/iyeq

Replies (3) Good night (1562) Bad night (2421)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too

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(614): Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too http://tfl.nu/p8r6

Replies (24) Good night (756) Bad night (2087)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?

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(203): Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton? http://tfl.nu/kum0

Replies (22) Good night (1389) Bad night (4479)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.

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(+44): It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty. http://tfl.nu/g5dx

Replies (22) Good night (914) Bad night (6395)
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(954): View more from Florida

so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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(954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja

Replies (30) Good night (3152) Bad night (5153)
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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(518): Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy. http://tfl.nu/6ng1

Replies (5) Good night (3957) Bad night (951)
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(541): View more from Oregon

side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.

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(541): side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children. http://tfl.nu/bng1

Replies (2) Good night (3498) Bad night (1176)
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(818): View more from California

That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.

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(818): That's the last time I do shots near a campfire. http://tfl.nu/w9sa

Replies (3) Good night (1578) Bad night (1137)
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(443): View more from Maryland

i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country

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(443): i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country http://tfl.nu/m3r6

Replies (7) Good night (2352) Bad night (704)
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(631): View more from New York

The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.

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(631): The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason. http://tfl.nu/mydy

Replies (10) Good night (3054) Bad night (1600)
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(240): View more from Maryland

and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

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(240): and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. http://tfl.nu/oorw

Replies (3) Good night (4237) Bad night (844)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.

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(215): There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions. http://tfl.nu/xynj

Replies (1) Good night (1938) Bad night (586)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i found out she really is a mensa member

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party

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(484): i found out she really is a mensa member (215): so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party http://tfl.nu/5lqf

Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (491)
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(415): View more from California

I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.

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(415): I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing. http://tfl.nu/pa54

Replies (4) Good night (665) Bad night (424)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.

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(602): You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs. http://tfl.nu/mu1s

Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (305)

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