if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
