you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
