I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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