It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize