I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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