My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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