That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
