Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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