Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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