Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
