i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
