but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
