So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
