i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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