Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
