thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
