My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
how does that bad decision feel?
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