if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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