It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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