I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
