shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
