just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize