I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
