so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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