My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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