i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
