She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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