i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
