Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
