Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
