we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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