y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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