You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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