So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
