You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
