try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
