That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
