I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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