I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
