You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
