yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
