Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
