my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
