Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
