At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
