its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there is puke in my bra ... again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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