I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
