"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my sisters under your porch take her home
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
