Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
