I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize