Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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