so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
