dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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