we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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