I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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