no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
