Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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