We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My cat gives me a boner
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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