my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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