what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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