The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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