My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
