Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
