So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
