you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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