i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize