A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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