clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
