What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
